The classic mystery of Monogamy...does it exist in the dirty dog-like inner workings of a gay man's DNA? Am I supposed to put that huge piece of me on a shelf to ignore every time I consider letting myself be open to a new relationship and the idea of love? Is it a theory or can you get everything from the same person? So many questions! I like to think that you can. The guy that inspires such blatant and carelessly dangerous consideration in my mind will make me french toast in the morning and spicy Bloody Mary's on a blustery and cold rainy east-side day; in between playing renditions of Claire de Lune on an slightly out of tune piano while I shower! Too much? Absolutely! Expectations too high you say? I know. But maybe I missed the boat in this case and that's all she wrote folks. I like to think timing is key when it comes to rekindling an old flame. Hopefully all the previous baggage can be set aside or forgotten and the lessons been learned already so you can take that first step all over again. Its not the great guys I'm falling for....its me friends. After all, I'm the only common denominator in all of my failed relationship attempts. So how long can I go on pointing fingers and placing the blame on everyone else but myself? I could have walked down the path more traveled and had the picturesque white picket fence with a beautiful show girl wife popping out pale, plump, red headed grand babies, making my mother bubble over with peels of grandmotherly delight. Should that be the case my life might look really good on paper. But alas sexuality is not a choice. I would've chosen invisibility and normalcy over anything on the check list. Don't get me wrong, my life has unfolded beautifully with twistsssssss and turnssssss that no one ever saw coming. Even with the understanding that I was genetically designed to color outside the lines, unfortunately my personal demons involving unnecessary jealousy have begun to cloud my already cloudy mind and eat away at the trust I've found with my new man and every man before him. I can dish it out but I can't seem to take it so to speak.
The years are seriously flying by like subway stops on an express train. It was crucial for me to find peace in this redneck environment for my already fragile sanity. Perhaps it's way too late for that. And since I find myself plopped down in the middle of the ridiculous American bible belt I proudly smooth out the little bubbles on the Obama bumper sticker I permanently placed on my conservative parent's soccer- mom minivan. Oops....It sits right above my dads sticker that says "Rim to Rim.........the Grand Canyon!" No kidding! Each corner of my presidential 2012 sticker has been frantically scratched at on every side by angry Republican hillbillies and scooter-bound ladies in the Walmart parking lot, desperately trying to remove my Democratic pride before getting caught "red" handed. Waves have been made with the locals inadvertently. Its my small attempt at a strangely successful rage. Some Romney sheep is going to definitely tailgate me now and lay on the horn or drag his angry key across the ol' Green Hornet's paint job that's been so good to me. It's a truly trusty war horse that has served me well for a very long time. All driver's forgiveness aside, my trick to avoiding the impending parental backlash of my mother's wrath in regards to the Obama bumper sticker was placing an ugly inspirational Christian theme-park magnet over it temporarily for quick home visits. So far so good....until she finds the blog!
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